“I’d really like to begin by saying ‘thank you’ to those who have messaged me, asked questions & shared personal details about their lives. I truly appreciate your confidence and trust. 

It’s a wonderful confirmation of how demonstrating transparency, vulnerability and just plain REALNESS with others can pay dividends…

We need to be able to relate to each other; in the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, as well as the painful and/or dramatic moments of life.

So how about we take a few moments to discuss relationships and things like life, love, intimacy, pain, loss and vulnerability?!

That being said, I was fortunate to grow up in a decent home environment, with parents who spent decades in marriage and family counseling.

I learned a lot from that growing up, but nothing like what I learned from real life; from the university of life and super of hards knocks!

Life can hit us hard and it can hit unexpectedly. Tragedy & loss can strike without much warning. I’ve been there…

Trying to pick up the fractured pieces and survive the aftermath of a broken heart can feel like… well… you’ve been left for dead, bleeding out on the ground, and hanging on for dear life!

Since I was young, I’ve had strong convictions about the marriage covenant. I was always convinced that real love was stronger and greater than any problem which arise. And… it really is.

However, the truth is, that alone does prevent things in life from going haywire and/or NOT going as planned! In fact, they rarely do…

I suffered the pain and grief of the big ‘D’. Yes, divorce. It was one of the single, most unpleasant and eye opening ordeals I’ve ever been through in my entire life. I was completely unprepared. I also spent many months in shock over the events which unfolded.

The pain is real and the emotions get… well… completely insane.If you’ve been through something similar, you can relate. If you never have, I hope you don’t ever have to!

You see, the harsh reality is that every individual has their own, free-will moral agency. Meaning, they have their own free will of choice in any given relational situation.

We cannot go against another individuals will. We each have to make our own choices and then be prepared to deal with the consequences of that choice… whether good, or bad.

I’ve written and spoken about it many times before. Call it ‘causality’. (cause = effect) Call it the law of ‘sowing and reaping’. We reap what we sow. Call it ‘karma’. It’s all basically the same thing.

For every action we take; for every choice we make, there is going to be a corresponding reaction to it which can then set off a whole other chain of events. (chain-reaction)

The good news? Well, after all of that suffering, grief, pain and struggle, I realized something extremely important: 

There is hope, even after a broken relationship. And… there is life… even after a broken heart!

I spent many years finding restoration and healing inside myself, before I began to pursue another relationship.

Love is indeed a powerful weapon. However, there are many elements wrapped up in ‘true love’. It’s not really just about a ‘feeling’ or an ‘emotion’. Those will come and go. 

Even the ‘in love’ phase of newlyweds can wear off, as reality comes crashing in. Sadly, many couples are not prepared to handle the stages which follow, resulting in both parties being hurt and/or lifelong marriage vows and commitments being broken. 

Real love is CHOICE. It involves forgiveness. It involves compassion. It involves patience. It involves sacrifice. It involves endurance. It also involves much pain and struggle, in order for it to be properly nurtured so it can blossom and grow. 

In involves the realization that we’ve been given the opportunity to love and embrace another human being who is just as imperfect and just as flawed as we are! That’s the beauty in it.

It means waking up every single to day with the choice to love another person for who they really are. Better yet, getting to truly know that person… with all their little quirks and idiosyncrasies, and still loving them anyway!

AND… not only consistently giving love to that person, but learning to RECEIVE love from that other person is just as important!

I’m personally convinced it’s true that we don’t really have a capacity to love (or adequately give love) until we really come know and understand how much we are loved! 

I’m going to step out on a limb here and tell you that, YOU ARE LOVED. You may not believe that, but one day I hope you will not only believe it, you will KNOW it. 

You really have to love yourself. It’s an absolute must. You have to be willing to embrace your shortcomings and failures so that you can learn and grow from them.

You have to be willing to change from the inside out. Internal transformation takes time and it requires due-diligence. You have to first be WILLING to change. 

Truthfully, we cannot try and change another person. This goes right back to the whole free-will point. It’s not our job to try and change other people. All we can do is encourage them to be willing to do so themselves and/or point them in the right direction. 

They have to be willing to take the necessary steps to make that change. Those steps are entirely different for every individual we come across.

We don’t fully know or understand what another person has been through in life. I haven’t walked in your shoes and you haven’t walked in mine. Most relationships don’t get too far past surface level.

True intimacy requires true VULNERABILITY. Vulnerability means we are fully opening ourselves up to be hurt by another individual; a person who, oftentimes, we are extremely close with.

You see, most of our casual acquaintances don’t really have the power to hurt us that deeply. Why? Well, because we are usually not that close with them. We haven’t opened up our hearts and made ourselves vulnerable to them.

It’s typically the people who are the closest to us; those whom we love and trust the most, who have the capacity to hurt us the worst. The ones we’ve truly opened ourselves up to and become vulnerable with.

Real love; leading to true intimacy, in its deepest capacity, is only found when we fully give of our hearts and lives to another person in the fullest sense; with all the transparency and vulnerability which can be found in it.

As difficult and as challenging as it can be, I can tell you that it’s totally worth it! 

True intimacy, found in a real, meaningful relationship with another human being, is by far one of the very greatest gifts and treasures we could hope to experience in this short and temporal life.

Real love is, by far, one of if not the, greatest forces on earth. Real love is patient. It’s kind. Among numerous other things, real love keeps on believing, hoping, and enduring in every situation and circumstance. 

I remember a time when I lost most of my faith in humanity. You may have been there too. I lost all faith, hope and belief that true love was even real. I even lost faith in myself. 

For a season, I thought that a large majority of folks were just ‘out to get me’. Can anybody relate?! It’s a dramatic place to be, and yet, one which most everyone will experience at some point or another in their lives. 

The battles and the struggles in life are real… for all of us. Denying that would be to deny our very own humanity. 

And yet, even more real, is the power of true and real love. Maybe you’ve experienced it. Maybe you haven’t. 

Either way, there is nothing else which sets the heart on fire and makes us come alive like real love can do. Nothing can restore our hope, faith, and belief in ourselves like the power of love can.

So, with that said, I challenge you today. I challenge you to love yourself; either again, or for the very first time. 

I challenge you to forgive the people whom have hurt you the most; those who have used, abused, betrayed and rejected you.

I challenge you to open up your heart again and believe in the goodness of humanity; even in the midst of all the evil, pain, cruelty and hurt which takes place. 

I challenge you to take your focus off of all the negativity which may surround yourself and others, and focus on both finding, as well as recognizing and seeing, the good in other people.

In the process, your’e going to find and see the good inside YOURSELF. Trust me… it’s there, whether or not you want to believe that. 

Focus on making whatever changes are necessary inside yourself, so that you can become that positive, caring, compassionate, loving human being whom I know that you are and can be!

By all means, believe in something, (or Someone) greater than yourself, but you’ve got to believe in yourself; in your own capacity to love, as well as to be loved, by another human being!

I BELIEVE IN YOU. Do you hear me?! I truly do. Start believing in yourself. 

Remember that anything and everything is possible if you can believe.

Don’t accept that you’ve been dumped on planet earth to just live a mediocre life. You’ve been called to walk in your own greatness; in whatever capacity that might be. You have a destiny to find and fulfill, as well as a future to secure.  

I empathize with you. I sympathize with you. I realize that you may be going through a situation or circumstance so painful, that I may not even begin to fully understand it. 

I welcome you to share your struggles and feelings with me. Sometimes just opening our heart and talking about it can help initiate the healing process.

I also want to encourage you to find a way to give, help and serve someone else… right while you are in the midst of your own struggle! Trust me when I tell you it’s one of the very best things that you can do for your overall well-being.

Why? Well, because there’s always someone out there who is in a far worse situation or circumstance than you are! In helping that person, in truly caring and showing compassion, you are going to help and serve yourself in the long run…

It’s the reason I do what I do. It’s the reason I get up and keep going, even after experiencing many hurts, betrayals, let-downs, failures and disappointments in life. 

I realize I was placed here on this earth to be a good and faithful steward. A steward who can help and serve others in whatever capacity I have been entrusted with. In the same way that whatever good is inside me to help others and to better serve humanity, the same is true for you.

You have your own gifting and talents inside you to make your own life, and that of the world, better in one way or another. The success which you desire, already resides within you. Truth. 

Sometimes it’s in helping to serve others that we begin to find our own, personal calling and success in life. It’s my desire for you that you be happy, healthy, content, and successful in life, as well as in whatever you set your hands and your heart to accomplish. 

You haven’t been through all that you’ve been through to accept permanent failure. Those struggles were only temporary defeats. They were stepping stones for you to walk higher and to rise above the adversities. 

Embrace the struggles. Embrace the failures. Embrace the pain. Embrace the heartache.

Now… embrace the love. Embrace the healing. Embrace the forgiveness. Embrace the joy. Embrace the happiness. Embrace the SUCCESS… 

Embrace the fact that, not only do you have the right to live again, but you WILL live again…

In writing this, I truly hope that I have, in some great or small way, helped you to do so.”

(This article was originally written and published on LinkedIn. Click the button below to connect with me there!)